Stayin’ Alive; Stayin’ Alive

Living a life with cancer.

I’m okay!

I think people believe I’m already in bed on the brink of death. So not true. I probably look healthier than I have in the last 6-8 months on chemo!  I walk 2-3 miles most days – today I walked 4½ miles. Also, I can finally ride my bike about 10 miles again! I enjoy almost a full glass of wine whenever I want.  So, do not worry about me, just yet.  

I am writing this from Door County, my own heaven on earth. I stopped by the National Shrine Our Lady of Good Help on the way to Door. According to their website “the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared there to Adele Brise in 1859. It is a humble, quiet place of refuge, noble in simplicity…” It is my refuge; my place for prayer, mindfulness and simplicity.

As I decided that it was time to enjoy my life with “feeling well time”, I am focusing on my simple lifestyle, my synergy as I call it. I try to eat well, sleep good hours, continue my exercising everyday, believe in the healing power of people, space in the outdoors, my beliefs in God and positivity. 

Being on chemo won’t change the outcome, but it will make my present life unbelievably hard. So, I am forging forward living. I’m awaiting the joy in the birth of my first grandchild, a girl, in July!  My adoring dog, Riley just arrived on my doorstep April 30th. Who knew in one’s time of need, a little angel would appear who needs loving too. She lived next door, but was so shy I hardly knew her. When her own loving owner, Pastor Tim suddenly passed on, Riley needed a home and we needed her. My spunky new best friend has been a great adventure.

The doctor can’t predict how long I have to live, so I decided I will be here for at least a year. It’s like one of those curiosity questions people ask… if you knew you only had a year to live, what would you do?  My answer: just what I’m doing. I’ve lived a life I’ve loved (most of the time). Sometimes I’m just fine with this and other times I am sad and sometimes angry. I worry more about the people who love me. 

Overall I’m okay.

Now, this writing begs the question for you……  if you only had one year to live, are you already living a life you love? 

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This is my blog about living my life with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer—End stage. I joked about writing this imaginary blog when I spent a year on a treatment that allowed me only 10 days to feel well enough to live a fairly normal life. (Actually normal doesn’t even really exist for me anymore!) To earn those good days, I spent the previous 10 days living in post-chemo treatment physical hell – that also became normal in a perverse way. I’m also writing to honor those who are diagnosed with Stage Four Pancreatic Cancer. You might live longer than you expect and I want you to have someone who tells you what that’s like. There aren’t many role models for people with this because, well, they’re usually gone. So, this is for you. Maybe your journey will be similar to mine. Actually, it will probably be very different because “everyone is different.” Even still, maybe this will still be a bit of a guide.

One thought on “Stayin’ Alive; Stayin’ Alive”

  1. Kathy I am praying for you and so happy you are doing what you can/want to do for the time being. Sending love and strength and peace and healing and all good things! Mary

    Liked by 1 person

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